A Ladder In The Dark: My journey from bullying to self-acceptance., by Alan Eisenberg
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A Ladder In The Dark: My journey from bullying to self-acceptance., by Alan Eisenberg
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FORGET LEXINGTON!” “I dug a deep hole in the back of my mind to place a shoebox of all the bullying memories that happened to me growing up in Lexington, Massachusetts. By making this hole and burying these memories, I hoped to forget what had happened to me and move forward with my life. I covered the hole with a lid and spray-painted the words “ANXIETY and DEPRESSION. DO NOT OPEN!” But memories don’t just go away ... This true and inspirational story of Alan Eisenberg's life offers a raw and honest portrait of a bullying survivor and takes you on a journey that, in the end, leads to recovery and solutions to help heal from the trauma of the long-term effects of bullying. The issue of the long-term effects that bullying has on people is brought to life through Alan's story and how he tried to suppress the childhood trauma brought on by bullying, but finally had to confront it when anxiety, self-esteem issues, and finally depression set in. How childhood bullying affects us into our adult years. In his quest to find answers to what happened in his early life, Alan shares his discoveries of what Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is. How to recognize it’s symptoms. Alan also shares how he learned to make peace with the past in order to move forward and not let it haunt him any longer.
A Ladder In The Dark: My journey from bullying to self-acceptance., by Alan Eisenberg- Amazon Sales Rank: #2071166 in Books
- Brand: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
- Published on: 2015-06-17
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .46" w x 6.00" l, .62 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 202 pages
Review "The author's recollection of these years is vivid and gripping, and it evokes primal scenes of terror that will resonate with many victims." - Kirkus Reviews
From the Author This book is my labor of love in my work helping people recover from childhood C-PTSD trauma, such as bullying. While this is my personal story about what I went through as a sensitive child being bullied and how that damaged me, it also shares tips on how I recovered. I hope that this book will help you if you are feeling stress, anxiety, or depression in your life due to past trauma. It can get better if you let it.
From the Back Cover "FORGET LEXINGTON""I dug a deep hole in the back of my mind to place a shoebox of all the bullying memories that happened to me growing up in Lexington, Massachusetts. By making this hole and burying these memories, I hoped to forget what happened to me. I covered it witha lid and spray-painted the words "ANXIETY and DEPRESSION. DO NOT OPEN!"But memories don't just go away. . .This true and inspirational story offers a raw and honest portrait of a bullying victim and takes you on a journey that, in the end, leads to recovery and solutions to help heal from the trauma of the long-term effects of bullying.
- How childhood bullying affects us into our adult years.
- What Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) is, recognizing it's symptoms, and how to accept the past.
- How to deal with the anxiety and depression that can come from bullying.
- How to find your own Ladder in the Dark to help you recover from the long-term effects that bullying can create and recapture your self-esteem.
Where to Download A Ladder In The Dark: My journey from bullying to self-acceptance., by Alan Eisenberg
Most helpful customer reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful. A wonderfully reflective and thought provoking book By Christine A Ladder in the Dark is a compelling account of Mr. Eisenberg’s long on-going road to recovery from childhood experiences of repeated bullying. Mr. Eisenberg shares a deeply personal story of his heroic quest to heal himself from the damaging and debilitating effects of his bullying. He begins by telling his readers that it is his hope that sharing his story of recovery will be helpful to others. While, I question his premise that bullying cannot be stopped, I was engaged by his views on this aspect of the human condition. Whether or not you’ve experienced either side of this equation as a victim or a bully, you will be drawn into Mr. Eisenberg’s poignant story of his continuing efforts to save himself from painful memories, events, experiences, and occurrences that led to anxiety, depression, recovery and healing. This book is a valuable read for the insights it shares, and for the touching spirit it demonstrates that perhaps may resonate with some aspect of your own life experiences.Eisenberg revealingly shares his most vulnerable moments and his deepest shames brought on by his encounters with his childhood tormenters. You learn how he changes from “an energetic child who would ride (his) Big Wheels bike around the neighborhood” to a young boy who “thought that no one could keep (him) safe.” He addresses his initial confusion, then fear, anxiety, and deep depression spawned by the bullying he experienced. He recounts changes in his innate nature, the occasion when he acts the bully, and he shares his failings and shortcomings in his intimate and familial relationships attributed to the C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) caused by the repeated bullying he endured.Eisenberg is an engaging storyteller and you will find yourself being drawn forward with a breathless momentum anticipating the outcome of one exchange and then the next and the next of each bullying incident. You come away from this read with a graphic picture of a first person account of what it feels like to be unfairly and unreasonably tormented and a map of how Mr. Eisenberg found his way out of the hole of his bad memories and debilitating behaviors. He shares how he reached out to his former victim and his former tormentor detailing how the exchanged apologies served as a means to his recovery. In addition to the stories, Mr. Eisenberg also shares a smattering of statistics and helpful information on the emotional and psychic vestiges of bullying.More than the vivid recounting of bullying incidents, Mr. Eisenberg delves into his own psyche and the philosophical wisdom gained from his journey. He writes, “The world of bullying isn’t black and white. There aren’t simply ‘the bullies’ and ‘the bullied’. The world is full of grays and questions that are debated endlessly, with answers that feel like they change with the blowing of the wind. While much of my identity developed because of my being ‘the bullied’, I saw how easily I could identify with being ‘the bully’ as well.” In reading this book, you may well be moved to consider reflecting on your own life and the role you have played and continue to play in alienating or connecting to those you hold dear and those whose lives you influence. Mr. Eisenberg’s introspective thoughtfulness and willingness to share his core vulnerabilities so authentically with his readers is ultimately an act of great strength and courage. His story of recovery demonstrates the healing capacity of empathy and serves as a heart-felt model for self-love and self-compassion
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful. `My journey from bullying to self acceptance' A Memoir By Grady Harp Washington DC author Alan Eisenberg received his education at Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University, has served with the Vigilant Services Corporation, Mind & Media, Inc and US Army Material Command and now is the managing director of BullyingRecovery, LLC. For the past 25 years he has been producing video, print, and multimedia material in addition to writing and speaking engagements. Alan is a survivor of youth bullying and has turned that experience into being an anti-bullying activist and blogger, providing media, materials and support for other sufferers through links to seek and receive the help needed to recover. As he states `This book is my labor of love in my work helping people recover from childhood C-PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) trauma, such as bullying. While this is my personal story about what I went through as a sensitive child being bullied and how that damaged me, it also shares tips on how I recovered. I hope that this book will help you if you are feeling stress, anxiety, or depression in your life due to past trauma. It can get better if you let it.'Alan establishes not only his mission with this book but also his personality in the sensitive Preface: `As much as I wish that bullying would end with more education and further learning about the damage it causes, I don't think we will ever see humans stop bullying, whether at school, in the workplace, in relationships, or through politics and global interactions. To me, it seems to be a human condition and no amount of education or training will put a complete stop to it. Can it be reduced? Certainly I believe that. But both the bullies and the bullying survivors have to deal with the ramifications of the effects of bullying on them. That said, I have focused my attention on helping those that suffer with the damage caused by bullying (both the bullied and the bully) to recover through better programs of support and help. There are many groups that work on bullying prevention and I applaud them and their efforts. I think each group offers support and help in their own way. I have chosen to focus on bullying recovery and believe we can do a lot of good as a community and society to work with and help those that are bullies and/ or have been bullied to learn to recover from the psychological damage due to the suffering they endured from bullying. I certainly believe that, as a community and as a society, we can make a difference and help those suffering to find a solution and hope that the books and the focus of my work brings that needed support and relief. As you read my story, I hope you see that there is a ladder in the dark for everyone who seeks it. It is there, but you must be patient and seek out that which you don't see at first.' That is what this man and this book are about.What follows is a life that is difficult to read, so devastating to the psyche his words become. From early bullying from `friends' in Bowie, Maryland to his move to Lexington, Massachusetts at age seven - a move that resulted in unimaginable episodes of bullying for seven years and Alan's creating a hole into which he sealed the Lexington years; `I dug a deep hole in the back of my mind to place a shoebox of all the bullying memories that happened to me growing up in Lexington, Massachusetts. By making this hole and burying these memories, I hoped to forget what had happened to me and move forward with my life. I covered the hole with a lid and spray-painted the words "ANXIETY and DEPRESSION. DO NOT OPEN!" But memories don't just go away ... ` It is this brutally honest story of the effects of bullying on Alan's life that is so jarring and disturbing to read, but because of his growth he is able to share how to make peace with the past in order to move forward, not letting it haunt him any longer. `No one is ever alone, they just feel that way.' And what Alan accomplishes in this phenomenal book is a lantern, a window and a door out of C-PTSD. Beautifully written, this book will become a classic. Grady Harp, July 15
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful. Clearly Outstanding! Six Stars for Exposing the Traumatic and Tragic Unseemly Underbelly of Bullying! By Robert Wright, Jr., Ph.D., COFT Alan Eisenberg’s book “A Ladder in the Dark: My Journey from Bullying to Self-Acceptance” is an extraordinary example of how telling one’s own story has the power to help and heal others. Although the topic of bullying has been trending in the media for several years, Alan’s first person account of the devastating emotional and physical horrors bullying causes reveals the unseemly underbelly of the negative consequences and implications this form of attack against another person has over time.Alan’s story opens a window into his hidden levels of hurt, anxiety, depression, and pain buried long ago and “forgotten” within his psyche. His harrowing tale of woe and recovery is sure to give the reader pause; in fact, I had to put the book down several times as I reflected upon the intimate bullying scenarios the author sketched out and how they related to my own life. What about my own bullying memories? Had I similarly pushed down “remembering” past bullying incidents or was I one of the lucky ones who had remained unscathed while growing up? What about workplace bullying? Had I experienced or at least witnessed those behaviors?Those were the kind of questions that roiled through my mind as I read Alan’s book and most likely you too will be forced to ask yourself the same or similar questions should you read more than 3 pages of Alan’s book! It’s simply not possible to read “A Ladder in the Dark” superficially if you’ve ever been bullied or witnessed a profound bullying incident! Remembering long “forgotten” memories can be a jarring experience especially if in your mind you’ve ever said to yourself “Oh, I thought I was done with that!” Here are a couple examples from Alan’s story which can blow the hinges off the doors of your own potentially gaping bullying memory “hole.”In his Prologue, entitled “The Hole” (page 1) Alan says this: “Many years ago, as a young boy, I dug a hole deep in the recesses of my mind. I’d worked very hard to dig this hole in which to bury all of my bad memories. Time went by and I grew up. But the hole was still there waiting for me….The hole was invisible to the naked eye….I dug this deep, dark hole with my bare hands over a great expanse of time, and the pain of my raw hands at the end of the work each day still haunted me.The hole was dug almost twenty feet deep, leaving my hands bloody from the arduous task….There was a large shoe box I had placed at the bottom of the hole where it was too dark to see….The shoebox was filled with haunting images from my life of being bullied. If the shoebox was visible, it would read, in a child’s handwriting, “Alan’s Bad Memories! DO NOT OPEN!”….My last task was to spray-paint a message on the top of the [untreated] plywood to remind myself why the hole was there if I forgot and revisited it later….On the top of the plywood in large letters, I painted a message to myself. In big childlike letters were the words, “ANXIETY” and “DEPRESSION.”In his chapter entitled “The Moment I Saw My Life End” (page 120), Alan describes in intimate detail one of his most horrid bullying memories from his childhood: “Ryan is going to kill you this week for what you did to me,” Joey threatened me, and I believed him. I gave Joey a message to give to his boss. “Tell Ryan that I have a knife, and if he comes after me, I will use it,” I warned….I hoped this new information would deter Ryan from wanting to fight me….When I arrived home from school that day, I searched for something to use that would fit and be hidden in my pocket, and serve as my protection….[My] mom’s metal fingernail file….A part of me knew it was wrong to carry a weapon to school, but another part of me didn’t care.I wanted to feel safe. Carrying this file made me feel safe…at least for a few days. The threats on my life delivered from Ryan’s friends continued. And I repeatedly warned him that I had a knife, hoping to deter this confrontation. By the end of the week, I thought I was safely avoiding Ryan and the bullies by taking my special detour through the woods. But Ryan had found out about that path. I didn’t know how, but he had. After a 30-minute walk around my hidden path, I emerged at a point where I would see the road, and there, looking down at me, was Ryan.There were no cronies, no friends to support either side. It was just Ryan and me. I was petrified and reached into my pocket to wrap my fingers around the cold steel of the file for security. “I’m going to kill you,” Ryan said to me, calmly, almost deadly. My heart was pounding. I didn’t want to fight him. I was tired of fighting. I pulled the file from my pocket….Ryan immediately threw down his backpack and took a swing at me with his fist. I instinctively lashed out at him with the file. My adrenaline was rushing and I was shaking.I lashed out at him again, and this time made contact with him, cutting him in the midsection of his side. I saw the shock and surprise on his face, and then he screamed out in pain. Catching him by surprise was my only chance to escape. I was sick to my stomach about having used a weapon against another human being, but I felt I had no choice, like a cornered animal. I turned away from Ryan and took off running down the road to my house. When I quickly turned my head to look back, I saw Ryan running after me….I turned and ran as fast as I could.I ran out of worry about what I had done. I ran out of fear that he WOULD kill me if he caught up to me. I ran the whole mile home at my best top speed….I felt like I was going to throw up. Ryan ran after me the whole way, too. I was lucky, because my grandmother was at my house….I called out for my grandmother as I ran. Ryan was right behind me. My grandmother must have heard me because as I reached the front door, she opened it, welcoming me to safety.From the other side of the screen door, Ryan was yelling that I had stabbed him while I stood safely next to my grandmother. He was still screaming when she yelled back at him to leave, protecting me. As he was leaving, I saw blood on the side of his torn shirt where I had slashed at him with the file….You would think that would feel like a victory, or even relief, but it didn’t. It sickened me to have to harm Ryan. I’m not so sure that Ryan didn’t get off easy, because I felt more pain than he did that day.”Alan’s tome is no ordinary story about bullying and it’s negative effects—as a reader, you come away from his book with a sense of being fully immersed in “knowing” from a bodily feltsense perspective just how awful and devastating it feels to be bullied. Through his authentic storytelling abilities Alan is able to successfully transport the reader right into the harsh reality of the bullying experience—not in some detached or “objective” way but in a real sense his story is so compelling that you begin to identify with his pain “as if” it were happening to you! This is indeed a remarkable feat.Alan’s words paint a gut-wrenching picture that gives you a taste of what it’s like to be a bullying victim: the elements of panic, anger and rage, and the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness felt by bully victims. The author has successfully conveyed the sense of emotional scaring, self blame and the unfairness of being selected by a bully to be his or her victim as well as pointing to his process of healing and recovery. The author does a public service by clearly pointing out that the trauma bullying causes can result in a form Post Traumatic Stress Disorder known as C-PTSD or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This official acknowledgement of the damaging trauma aspects of bullying is important since for many years a popular adult response to learning of or witnessing bullying incidents has been to wave them off with remarks like “Kids will be kids” or “The kids were just fooling around—it was a gag, no harm no foul.” Having an official designation such as C-PTSD elevates bullying to a status where it can no longer be ignored or waved off as insignificant adverse or inconsequential behavior; it also potentially provides hope that more support, understanding, and funding is on its way to successfully treat the trauma of bully victims as well as installation of methods that prevent or deter bullying.The author is courageous and brave to have revealed so many intimate details of exactly how being a bullying victim negatively impacted his life especially how it led him to become anxious and clinically depressed. Mr. Eisenberg is to be commended for his honesty in how he dealt with the bullying issue including at one point becoming a bully himself—that’s a good example of telling it like it really happened! Alan’s heartfelt example of how he switched sides is eye opening and can serve as a warning beacon to others of what can happen when bullying behaviors are not adequately addressed. On page 118, Alan describes how he became one of the bullies:“I found it interesting how I could suffer so much in middle school, but have fun and be popular in Hebrew school. I liked how it felt to be part of the group and not be picked on. To be included and accepted….The world of bullying isn’t black and white. There aren’t simply “the bullies” and “the bullied”….While much of my identity developed because of my being “the bullied,” I saw how easily I could identify with being “the bully” as well.Daniel was the butt of many jokes, and reflecting back, I see how unfair it was. On one occasion, I participated in a cruel prank. We placed about ten tacks, pointing up, on Daniel’s chair. I totally believed he would see them there long before he chose to sit down. But for some reason he got distracted while talking to someone and didn’t see the tacks. I still have the awful image of Daniel setting his full weight into his chair, onto the tacks.His face turned a crimson red, but he bit his lip, trying hard not to cry in front of us. I was in awe of how he didn’t react by jumping up out of his seat. It was like he was defeated. The teacher noticed him turning red and tears welling up. The teacher asked Daniel what was wrong. He couldn’t speak to answer or he would start crying. Daniel simply stood up and walked out of the room with all of the tacks stuck to his bottom. It was at this point that the teacher realized what had happened.As Daniel left the classroom with tears welling up in his eyes, the other kids snickered with laughter. At least it didn’t happen to me was all I thought. Then the teacher spoke up. He said he didn’t want to know who did it, but that they should go help Daniel. A few of the boys who were involved, as well as myself, left the room to help him. At this point, I realized what I had done and felt remorse. This was not at all funny. We went into the bathroom and there was Daniel, tears streaming down his face.“Why did you do this?” he begged for answers. The boys and I could say nothing. I think we all felt the same. I don’t know who was more embarrassed, Daniel for being the victim of this malicious prank, or us for dehumanizing our classmate. I cringed as I helped pull the tacks out of his sore bottom, knowing I was hurting him again. I felt terribly ashamed that I was the bully this time….For the shame I felt about my behavior, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to reconnect with Daniel as an adult and express remorse for my actions. He was so happy to hear from me, said that he didn’t even recall the incident, and we talked for hours.”An even more sobering and somber aspect of Mr. Eisenberg’s book is located in his final chapter entitled “A Space to Breathe” (page 184-185) where he relates how “depression can rob you of logical thought” including providing details about the unfortunate suicides of four friends who were depressed. As I mentioned earlier, you may be forced to put this book down and reflect upon your own life especially if you know someone who has contemplated, attempted or actually committed suicide. This is very serious business indeed and the author discusses this issue in a delicate and heartfelt way which may leave you a little weepy as you scour your own memories of past trauma, pain, disappointment, grief and sorrow.A way to reframe and describe Alan’s bullying story of victimhood through to healing recovery is to conceptualize the process as an example of forced creative growth which results whenever you experience catastrophic bifurcations in your life—before and after experiences where you are forever changed and your life is never the same. Such is the case with Alan’s multiple bullying experiences. Although his journey has been a painful one, his path to recovery can serve as a beacon of hope to many others since by coming forward to share his pain in this way, his experience can give other bully victims hope for recovery and a normal life.Alan’s story may cause a forced awareness in the reader such that you are moved to pay attention to your own levels of unexamined hurt, pain and traumatic memories—bullying or otherwise. In the end, reading Mr. Eisenberg’s story will leave you with this idea: if you live long enough, sooner or later, you’ll be forced to deal with your own traumatic memories, be they of bullying or some other variety. Even though the author’s story is tragic, it is simultaneously hopeful, in that it points the way to how you can find light at the end of the tunnel.Alan’s gift to the reader is that his story is able to easily move you from the intellectual to the visceral. You come away from reading his autobiographical sketch literally knowing just how damaging, wrong and unfair the bullying process is as victim and bully. “A Ladder in the Dark” shines a bright light into “The Hole” of emptiness that Alan and many other bully victims have experienced and reported. This book exposes the scars, warts and all, so that any pretense that bullying others might somehow be “ok” under certain circumstances, e.g. trickster pranking, as Alan’s story makes clear, that is definitely not the case.In closing, if it were possible to give a book a 6 star rating, Alan’s work would get that well deserved extra star since he has nailed down tightly what can happen to you when bullying episodes have assumed and consumed a larger than life role. Alan's bullying victim-bully-healing recovery journey takes the notion of concentrated and focused anxiety provoking rumination to the next levels of recursivity. Fortunately, there’s a happy ending to this story in that by acknowledging and working through his multiple levels of traumatic pain, Alan’s level of intimate sharing has created a safe place for him and others to share and release their own hurt and pain so that they too can heal their unseen inner wounding. It is with pride and humility that I give Alan’s work the highest possible rating for a job well done in the service of uplifting humankind and providing much needed hope to others for the future.Robert “Bob” Wright, Jr., Ph.D., COFTwww.StressFreeNow.info
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